WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WIVES
Dogs don't cry.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call them when you're running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs never criticize.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs would rather you buy them a hamburger than a lobster dinner.
You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to leave 24 hours a
day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs never want a foot rub.
Dogs cant talk.
Dogs seldom outlive you.

A REBUTTAL FROM A PREVIOUS RECIPIENT OF WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN
WIVES...

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you  --  except fetch (and they never
laugh
at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know
the
most important thing is that you're together.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Dogs are good with kids.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs do not read at the table.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Dogs don't correct your stories.
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs look at your eyes.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs take care of their own needs.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
Neither does any dishes.
Neither understands what you see in cats.


WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
around the block.
Men don't eat Cat poopies on the sly.
Men open their own cans.
Men don't  have dog breath ALL the time.
Holiday Inns accept men.