Subject: From Your Friendly Photographer!!!


> The Smith's were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate
> father to start their family.
> On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and
> said, "I'm off dear, the man should be here soon."
> Half-an-hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
> photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.  "Good morning
madam.
> I've come to........"
> "Oh, no need to explain.  I've been expecting you", Mrs. Smith cut in.
> "Really"?  The photographer asked. "Well, good!  I've made a specialty of
> babies."
> "That's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in and have a seat."
> After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well.  Where do we start?"
> "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch
> and perhaps a couple on the bed.  Sometimes the living room floor is fun
> too; you can really spread out."
> "Bathtub, living room floor?  No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
> "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try
> several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
> you'll be pleased with the results."
> "My, that's a lot of..........." gasped Mrs. Smith.
> "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and
> out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
> "Don't I know it", Mrs. Smith said quietly.
> The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby
> pictures.  "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
> "Oh my goodness!!!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
> handkerchief.
> "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
> mother was so difficult to work with."
> "She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.
> "Yes, I'm afraid so, I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
> done right.  People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to
get
> a good look."
> "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
> amazement.
> "Yes", the photographer said.  "And for more than three hours, too.  The
> mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate.
> Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.  Finally, when the
> squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
> Mrs. Smith leaned forward.  "You mean they actually chewed on your,
> um....equipment?"
> "That's right.  Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that
> we can get to work."
> "Tripod????"
> "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.  It's much too big
for
> me to hold very long.

Madam?  Madam?......Goodness,
> she's fainted!!!"



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