Let's bash BOTH sexes

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? -- 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
-- 45 mins.

What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
-- Sexual Harassment.

What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
-- $3.99 a minute.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
 -- The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?
-- The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? -- Humpme Dumpme.

What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist
down?
--Marriage.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
-- None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
-- Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
-- If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for
life.

What is a man's view of safe sex? -- A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry? -- "Filthy" and  "Filthy but
Wearable"

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? -
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
-- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

What do you call a smart blonde? -- A golden retriever.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
-- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen
donuts.

Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony?
-- The woman who ate then last donut.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman? -- A
battery has a positive side.

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest breasts? -- The blonde, because she's 18.